smoking challenge day 9

so today was another awesome day i had three revelations about myself. the first i will say came after one of the most embarrassing moments ive had in a long time.. i was working on a truck and suddenly i heard this loud rip. i thought to myself ok no big deal just a small tear in my jeans. went on to the second truck and the rip got louder. only this time my area manager was standing right behind me. he called another manager over and un aware to me they were looking at my ripped up jeans. now i didnt know it at the time but apparently my whole ass was hanging out my jeans in my boxers like a streetwalker. now normally i hate being the butt of the joke.everyone knows i love a good laugh but that is the one thing that drives me crazy. yet today i took it and finished my whole day of work. i even stood an hour an a half  longer today with all my pants burst opened. lol it was so bad i had to tie my hoody over my waist and look like a fag all the way home. the looks i got today were priceless.

now normally when something like that happens my first reaction is oh god kill me. which brings us to the second revelation. i value my life way to much now to let something as simple and minor as being laughed after send me into a depressed state. there are more trivial things in life that could bring it on. i actually had to laugh at myself today for ever thinking that way. it secretly made me feel so empowered and loved by the lord to be so blessed. ive had an awesome life and i would rather live it all over then just give it up to do nothing. for a good part of my life i had not valued myself and found value in what i could do rather then who i am.now today i say im alive with hope im in control and god is the pilot.

now finally the third revelation. i dont know what it is with girls but when they know you are single or just got out of a relationship they stampede you. well at least thats how its been in my life. for the past couple of weeks i have realized that. although i speak to nobody at my job for real they all know me and they want to be my friend. some more then others but i personally would rather keep it just business. i found myself walking home after work and talking to the lord today. the temptation is great but i have never been a cheater. it's actually sad to say its always been the other way around. although me and the love of my life are not together right now. i feel like one of those old men who's wife died and they never date or marry again because, they would never be able to find someone that could replace their love. i dont want to do anything now that would jeopardize my happiness in the future. these are the things you must fight through with yourself to have a meaningful marriage. if you cant resist temptation way from here how can you do it while she is taking care of the kids or on vacation or ill. i honestly could not see any of these girls even stepping close to the level of my kitty kat. she is a all around solider and they just want to play with my heart seeing it is a bit hurt. i know the mind games women play and i know how to avoid them.

in conclusion i felt like this week although ive had some stumbles has been way more helpful and insightful then last week. i feel like im getting closer to myself as i get closer to the lord.