coldest winter

these are memories en grained in my brain
from the coldest winter
goodbye my friend
why do we ever
have to love
others

 you love me for me could you be more phony
cat got your tongue  loves got the gun
first reaction is to run
never look back
im growing stronger everyday
im growing colder everynight
i see couples and i see you
i see your smile i see a ghost
filled with anger not towards you
more to myself
overflowing with love not for self
drowning in my own inequeties
My vices got a hold of me

Finally I don't need my eyes to see
The lords guiding me
I was too weak to walk
He carries me through the desert
I found Jehovah in the darkest place
I'm talking darker then Louisiana basements
Look at what you did for me
Look at how you set me free

Wherever you are could I join you
Could we not touch just mind fuck
Let me into yours and I'll let you into mines
I reenact watching you sleep
How safe you seem next to me
I'm staring  into your eyes and
Float away like waves in the ocean
Mesmerized that it took God
7 days to make the world
But 9 months to make you
Where ever you going can I come

quotes from books

friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life. and thanks to a benevolent arrangement of things, the greater part of life is sunshine-thomas jefferson

i must exist in shadows, while you live under exquisitely blue skies, and yet i dont hate you. i dont resent you for the freedom that you take for granted-although i do envy you.-seize the night

i am my own worst enemy. this, more than any other trait, proves my fundamental humanity.

we need hope as surely as we need food and water, love and friendship, the trick, however, is to remember that hope is a perilous thing, that its not a steel and concrete bridge across the void between this moment and a brighter future. hope is no stronger than tremulous beads of dew strung on filament of spiderwebs. it alone cant long support the terrible weight of an anguished mind and a tortured heart.

long before adolescence, i knew that each of us is sand in the hourglass, steadily running out of the upper globe into the stillness of the globe below, and that in my particular hourglass, the neck between these spheres is wider than in most.

between a man and woman in love, no lie is small or harmless.

this is the problem with life. nothing is easy. its just one damn thing after another. the line between where you are and where you want to be is never straight and simple to follow. there are always walls you have to get around, fences you have to climb over and when you go around and over all of them, then there's suddenly a damn ravine of you, a canyon an abyss.- what the night knows

Her words

They should of hurt
They should of broke me
They should of turned me back to the old me
Instead they built me up
The made me stronger
They made me a little more whole
They ring in my ears
When I'm all alone
I ponder her thoughts
I ponder my actions
I never question my devotion
I never give up
Her words tell me to
Her words comfort me in the storm
The word guides me and the ghost moves me
I see where I need to be and
the Lord had plans for me
Her words caused panic but now gives relief

The return of Giovanni

His face is oh to familiar
His voice is one I've heard many times
His fire and passion is my fear
His love and devotion is unfair
He grips my throat and
Makes me choke
He is my Tyler durdan
Washed away in a sea of despair
He leads the party in search of me
I buried him but he lives
I run from him
But there is no where to hide
I've missed him although I hate him
The emotions he brings
Help me in no way
They push those I love away
Although he wants them to stay
Mr. Gucomo where is the air
Where is the love and despair
Why must be walk this earth
With no end in sight
How long have we endured this long plight
You gave the love of my life such a fright
Run away with my heart bury my soul
Dig a hole deeper then ten feet
There is no place that he can't reach
Away with my world
Away from her touch
He is not in control
He is the bearer of true love
He is turning into a control

smoking challenge day 11

today is a day that will live in infamy. i finally broke down. i was so close to reaching the goal. i was three days away. yet i dont feel this failure is the end all be all. i feel this is a lesson to strengthen me. from the moment i woke up today i had such a ill feeling for the day. my feeling was then mimiced in my coworkers. it seemed everyone was having an off day. now as i sit i feel down since this is another chris fell short moment.yet i dont feel like giving up completely i will like this rebound will be even stronger. now i see my faults and weaknesses to battling this. i know where my strengths lie. so i will consider these two weeks a test run.

the worst part of today was i actually considered not even being honest with you guys and not being honest with myself. ive never been much of a dishonest person so that thought made me feel very sick. so here i am now in my naked honesty letting you guys know my failures. hoping that hopefully i can go through it so that you dont have to go through it. i do have a plan to finish this goal and continue in order to be smoke free. i have been talking to a few people and i have come up with some better exercise things to take up my off time from work.

on a lighter note i think i might have partially broken my back at work. a box feel on me today and my back has just not felt the same. touching my toes is a task now. i feel the pain but i really have a fear of going to doctors now. i especially dont want to go to one to work on my back for it to get more messed up then it already is.

finally guys i ask that you continue to pray for me getting stronger. i look forward to starting  over and finishing this. my goal for the rest of this year is finishing what i started. these small stumbles cant hold me back.

smoking challenge day 10

well today was an awesome day. i realized that god puts you in places for reasons. for example my job. i use to never care about being on time or if i should up or not. but now that i work in the mailing business my attitude has changed. now its important to me to get to work early. because if i dont show up not only could i get fired. it means my coworkers have to take on a heavier load then they have to. that means someone might not get their mail. that means their will be less money in my check. all these things have made me want to leave my house earlier and to take my job more serious. i hope that i can use these lessons in future job sites and also in my life. i need to take things more serious.

i also see it in my bank account. i can actually go out and buy a burger any day of the week i want rather than have to wait til payday or the weekend like i use to. saving has become something i really focus on now. i find myself asking myself do i need to buy this right now or is this really necessary. lately most of the time its no. which im relieved about it because if i dont take it serious i would miss my chance for a car again. i have realized in my life god gives me the opportunity to make all my dreams come true. somewhere down the line though i squander it away for frivolous reasons. now i want to succeed in a land slide way. i dont want to just barely make it through. all my life all i have done is just barely gotten by. its time i feel that now i actually reach my full potential i excel in what i want and see my dreams come true.

on a third note he has showed me why this break between me and love was so important. i needed to know the things on her heart and if we had continued to stay together i would of never known. i would of never been able to see these things in myself. when i say that i say it as i saw them but never "took them serious" since their is always tomorrow. which is why i love her why put off for tomorrow what you can fix today. we each needed to be put in a corner for us to come back stronger and more focused then before. i believe now that all the events of our lives together have been leading up to something great. something that i will be proud to tell our kids. not just some magic cupid spell that hit us. although that would of been wonderful ive come to realize its not practical. it works for some but not for all. i looked at other relationships and compared them to ours. which was wrong because she is her and i am me. we can never be them or be like them. they can never be like us or will never be like us. we have no reason to be ashamed for what has transpired between us because i believe that god has done all of this to make us stronger not only for each other but as individuals.

i had alot of demons i needed to face and that i actually never saw. now i have time to fight them just as my phoenix is fighting hers. i had to face the fact that she is the 10% and i have only ever dealt with the 90%. i needed to grow up in order to know how to see a real lover and significant other was. my respect and love for her has grown 10 fold the more i realize i need to grow with christ and learn myself. i realize a girl like her is important to have by your side to see when your doing wrong. i dont want a girl that will watch me drive off a cliff and just be happy cause im happy. i need a woman that will tell me stop the car and turn around or make this left turn or go right. or at least the basic lets stop and pray to see if god really does want us to go over this cliff. it took alot for my love to say the things it did. although so of the words hurt. not because they were vindictive but because they were true and no one else would of said them to me.

on another note i was so tired today when i came home that i had not the energy to work out or do my yogo today. actually not one day this week have i done any exercise and i feel awful about it. since last week when i did workout lightly after work my back feels better. i can honestly say that my back has never hurt so much in my life. im trying to use proper lifting techniques but at the speed they want us to move its hard to always do that. i think that i will make a stronger effort to work out after work. seeing as i have time now. since the next coming weeks will be a challenge. seeing a peak is coming and holidays.

finally i have been kinda frustrated in a way for the past couple days. i have some really good poems ive been working on but i cant find the right words to bring them where they need to be. i have been consumed in reading a few books on my kindle. i cant find the inspiration to get out my thoughts. when they do come though im busy and far away from my notebook so i cant get into them. the thoughts fly away like birds in the sunset its pretty sad. yet dont fear i will finish these poems since i think they perfectly describe my emotions toward this challenge and my life at the moment. i feel i would be doing you guys an injustice by not sharing them.

smoking challenge day 9

so today was another awesome day i had three revelations about myself. the first i will say came after one of the most embarrassing moments ive had in a long time.. i was working on a truck and suddenly i heard this loud rip. i thought to myself ok no big deal just a small tear in my jeans. went on to the second truck and the rip got louder. only this time my area manager was standing right behind me. he called another manager over and un aware to me they were looking at my ripped up jeans. now i didnt know it at the time but apparently my whole ass was hanging out my jeans in my boxers like a streetwalker. now normally i hate being the butt of the joke.everyone knows i love a good laugh but that is the one thing that drives me crazy. yet today i took it and finished my whole day of work. i even stood an hour an a half  longer today with all my pants burst opened. lol it was so bad i had to tie my hoody over my waist and look like a fag all the way home. the looks i got today were priceless.

now normally when something like that happens my first reaction is oh god kill me. which brings us to the second revelation. i value my life way to much now to let something as simple and minor as being laughed after send me into a depressed state. there are more trivial things in life that could bring it on. i actually had to laugh at myself today for ever thinking that way. it secretly made me feel so empowered and loved by the lord to be so blessed. ive had an awesome life and i would rather live it all over then just give it up to do nothing. for a good part of my life i had not valued myself and found value in what i could do rather then who i am.now today i say im alive with hope im in control and god is the pilot.

now finally the third revelation. i dont know what it is with girls but when they know you are single or just got out of a relationship they stampede you. well at least thats how its been in my life. for the past couple of weeks i have realized that. although i speak to nobody at my job for real they all know me and they want to be my friend. some more then others but i personally would rather keep it just business. i found myself walking home after work and talking to the lord today. the temptation is great but i have never been a cheater. it's actually sad to say its always been the other way around. although me and the love of my life are not together right now. i feel like one of those old men who's wife died and they never date or marry again because, they would never be able to find someone that could replace their love. i dont want to do anything now that would jeopardize my happiness in the future. these are the things you must fight through with yourself to have a meaningful marriage. if you cant resist temptation way from here how can you do it while she is taking care of the kids or on vacation or ill. i honestly could not see any of these girls even stepping close to the level of my kitty kat. she is a all around solider and they just want to play with my heart seeing it is a bit hurt. i know the mind games women play and i know how to avoid them.

in conclusion i felt like this week although ive had some stumbles has been way more helpful and insightful then last week. i feel like im getting closer to myself as i get closer to the lord.

the other

she wants to replace her
she wants to make me forget her
i wont let her
i wont cave to her seduction


she whispers in my ears
she tell me im strong
she tells me just come over
and tries to ease my stress
she covers her body in perfumes
she makes me hurt in my pants
she wants me and traps me
licking her lips and touching me sweetly
she tell me everything i need to hear

the devil in the red dress
he is just to near
the hunger builds and swells
ready to ravish her whole
im filled with disgust
cant even raise my finger
just smile and nod
soon the day will be over
ill be far away from her scent
i wont have to see her clothes
i wont hear her calls


this hunger builds
and streches my underwear
i will smoke but
i wont touch her
she's in my thoughts
she getting in my head
i have something better
that the lord has given me
whoa is me
running from my temptation
and praying to the lord
deliver me from evil
and subdue this hunger

from devotion to assurance
from loving to living
ive been through enough
she is cancerous
far from my kitty kat
she is not in love
she just wants lust
she just wants me
but she wont have me

smoking challenge day 8

guys i feel amazing today. although i went to the doctor today and they confirmed that im allegic to everything outside sadly. i am just filled with such happiness. i walked past the store not once not twice but three times today. and i did not buy any cigs. i honestly want to walk past again just to tempt myself but i feel like ill cave to the pressure. its best to set a goal and not go past it.although i am craving one so bad. i feel like im strong enough to go without caving. its really weird though today since i woke up all i kept hearing is everything will be ok. i want to believe that this is one of those times when the lord picks you up and carries you.

i went out last night and drank and to my surprise i walked home and usually once ive made it home i get a cig and smoke before i go to sleep. last night i just came home and ate and went to bed. i usually need to smoke when i wake up after a night of drinking. yet today i woke up and i didnt need nor want one. i felt perfectly fine. not hung over not in need of anything. i want this feeling to continue to feel this way and make my life more guided to continuing this feeling.

i just feel so invigorated and alive today. i want to shout to someone that god can help you through anything. but i wont since i live in new york and dont want to be another bible thumper on the street. but none the less i feel like anything is possible. i have a handful of poems that ive been working on.

im super excited to fine tune them and put them up some time today. also that ill be getting my violin back by then end of the week. im not sure yet how ill work it into my schedule but im excited to actually get to pick it back up and sound horrible lol. seeing as the only song ive ever learned was twinkle twinkle little star. my goal will be to learn a new one. hopefully i can remember how to read the notes.

smoking challenge day 7

well i took a day for myself yesterday. im feeling reinvigorated i feel ready for the new week to begin. i feel as if this week will be smoother and better then last week. i believe i have found my weaknesses and im ready to exploit them. boredom is my enemy and im ready to fight him. there is nothing that i cant accomplish and no task to hard. i have been in tougher situations. i will fight this addiction will all i have cause if i cant beat it then it has beaten me. i hate to lose and i refuse to lose to something i spend money on.

im stronger then this and i know i have the will power. this year is suppose to be a mild stone year. this year will be the year i mold myself into who i want to be. the man i have hoped to be all these years. i will not back down from this challenge and i wont let myself down. i have been down this road before and i have fought and won. im older, wiser and stronger now so i should be able to summon the strength and courage i need.

this blog just reminds me of the bible quotes i have posted this week. i have the strength and ability to overcome this. jesus over came the world so can i.

what i needed

what i needed was to open my ears
what i needed was to hear
what i needed was a chance
what i needed was a plan


time to grow up baby boy
time to make my world more sure
maturity doesn't equal stability
stability doesn't equal comfort-ability
to long have i clowned around
to long have i ate of the silver spoon
living off coat tails
yet ill live to tell the tail

i needed her to talk to me
i needed someone to step to me
her bravery speaks virtues
her devotion makes poetry
my juices are flowing
my nerves are a wreck
the inspiration just keeps coming
im better alone
but im never alone

what i needed was to open my ears
what i needed was to hear
what i needed was a chance
what i needed was a plan

smoking challenge day 5.2

ok so ive picked two bible verses for the day. i know i said i would pick one but they were both so good and i want to actually get into the context of what they are referring too. also i missed the quote from yesterday so i figured it would be ok to make up.


Job 13:15  Though he slay me, I will hope in him;   yet I will argue my ways to his face.

this utterly confuses me and i want to read job now for more clarity. why or how this is a scripture for strength i am not sure. but given that i have been battling with myself and giving myself to the lord. it caught my eye and i feel like it relates to me in some way. so its worth looking into.
if any of you have any idea about it then im more then willing to hear it.

Romans 5:5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

now this one i feel pretty much speaks for itself. giving the last few weeks ive felt ashamed of a few things. this quote just brings be back to reality. we all make mistakes. its how we cope and manage our mistakes that matter. making sure we learn form them in order not to repeat them i feel is the most important thing. again i feel i could be taking this out of context so i will review both and give my finding tomorrow. with my update on day 6. im expecting good things

i feel like this week was rough but i pulled through with minimal slips. now the weekend is always a challenge. as i said earlier its finding something to put into the periods of boredom that i need to work on the most. well pray from me guys its almost time for work.

smoking challenge day 5

well today was a very long day. i smoked and i must say it felt horrible. after you dont smoke for a few days that taste in your mouth is god awful. i realize i need to find something more to do in my off time. the boredom has started to take hold. the boredom makes me slip back. also i realized when i left for work yesterday i never picked a new quote for the day. ill make sure to not make that mistaek again for today.

any ideas on what i can do for my free time during the day. working out only covers so much time. i need to be more proactive in my moments of boredom. i was considering picking my violin back up and learning some songs. it never hurts to dedicate so time to the arts. now i just need to start the hard task of actually finding it.

smoking challenge day 4

well today has been a most eventful day. i feel invigorated for some reason. my back is killing me from work but today i didnt have the urge to smoke, i did however eat breakfast with my coworkers and didnt come home to do yoga or work out. so i kinda messed up the habit but im feeling confident tomorrow will be back to normal. its Friday my favorite day of the week. i went out bought batteries for my wii fit board. im ready to get back into shape. i think these yoga stretches after my work out will be more then helpful. i can feel the difference today getting off of work then how i felt yesterday.

yesterday my back hardly hurt once i finished stretching with the poses for yoga. now today i feel it in my lower back. although its not to late to work out. im never been a fan of working out in the middle of the day. i might however do a few just to stretch myself out.

i also want to express how it is important to try and keep positive thoughts. all day i kept pondering what was my definition of peace compared to the peace God would offer. im referring to my quote of the day john 16:33. i have thought so far that they are one and the same. for if im keeping on the path that he has set of me. then no matter where i end up it will be perfect for me since he has brought me there. i do have the urges to just smoke though but as a side note. i kept saying to myself he overcame the earth, he overcame the earth" which might be silly but to me if i kept reminding myself that it is possible through him. then its possible for me to attain that goal.

i want to dwell on the positive now rather then what i cant do or what i want to do. its better to stay in the present and look to the future. then keep your mind on the past and things you cant have or do.

smoking challenge day 3

well today was an awesome day i felt so strong and stuck to my plan. i did falter once i got off work but i think a small stumble in the road to being smoke free is ok. i  think you have to be honest with yourself. cold turkey is not for the faint of heart. i also feel that having the self control to put off having a cigarette when its readily available is also a good step to be proud of. but i will say having the word on your mind really does help. i have been praying all day once i felt weak. yet keeping my mind occupied with other things also helps. i also got some sunflower seeds to help with the craving when im bored. i stood around my coworkers who all smoke and didn't have the urge to smoke with them or even be a part of it, its funny how usually i smoke by myself at work since i get their earlier then most people but today everyone seem to be smoking.

so my new routine consist of working out once i get off work. i did yoga today to help my back ache from work and i believe it helped. it is something new that i can get into and can keep me in shape. ive been told exercising is the best way to break a habit. im am super ready for tomorrow to see what the new quote will be.


the quote for today will be John 16:33  I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

i picked this quote because i am having so much troubles in my heart and mind lately. i need to be reminded that overcoming the world can be done. just cause we live in this world does not mean we have to be of the world. i need peace in my life right now and i need the lord to help with my temptaions not only of my habits but of the flesh.

smoking challenge day 2.5

ok so i finally picked a bible quote

1 Corinthians 10:13  No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

i picked this because it is a strong reminder to me about where i want to end up. i have had no appetite for the past two days. the withdrawal is always the hardest part. it always sends my body into weird changes and i believe quitting is a mental action. this quote just minds me that god does not give you anything you cant bear. he will not put you into a situation that you can not overcome. so now im looking for the way of escape that he is going to offer me. or i guess the self strength that he will put into me to overcome this habit

thoughts on depression

i was talking to a viewer the other day and he asked me what was my thoughts on depression. being a person who has suffered from it for my years of my life. i think i know alot about it and how to break its grasp over yourself. i will say that depression is a normal feeling that everyone will feel at some point in time in their life. weather its when you are young or when you get older. its just a basic fact that life happens and not all things in life are worth smiling over. some things can be very traumatizing and others could be uplifting.

the official definition of depression is  Depression may be described as feeling sad, blue, unhappy, miserable, or down in the dumps. Most of us feel this way at one time or another for short periods.


webster defines it as  a state of feeling sad: a serious medical condition in which a person feels very sad, hopeless, and unimportant and often is unable to live in a normal way
: a period of time in which there is little economic activity and many people do not have jobs


now personally i have felt depression in my areas of my life. as i feel i am always able to conquer any challenge. there has been many times in my life when i could not. there has been relationships that i have also felt i could of handled better. there has been life lessons that i was forced to learn due to my hardheadedness. all in all everything i believe happens for a reason. alot of these tragedies happened and as much as they hurt over time i pulled myself out of the dumps.

depression and breaking habits i believe are kinda in the same boat. when depressed you hurt yourself weather its by putting your own self esteem down, over eating/ emotionally eating or physically. the same can be said of bad habits weather it is smoking, over working or just biting your finger nails at the table.  you first have to come to a realization that what your doing is hurting you or affecting others. then you have to accept that you want to change. only when you accept that you want to change will you then have the will to want to change or to actually change.

i dont want to sound as a drone or like im superior to anyone since i know these things about myself and life. since right now im persoanlly going through both. i just broke out a relationship and im pretty sad but i know now is the time to pick myself up not loath in my sadness. this blog is an avenue for me to express myself and get out those tied down emotions out of myself. now for the habits i usually smoke after i eat breakfast. instead im here blogging and looking for things to enlighten my mind and keep myself productive. im again not saying that i should be looked up to or followed my path will not necessarily be the right path for you. i just want to share my experience and thoughts on it for anyone thinking of depression or feeling depressed.

i want to work in exercising into my workout once i get off work. i have a few yoga games on my wii that have been getting dusty.  i also think that you should find time for the word or at least prayer. for any problem you have you can always take to the lord in prayer.


on a side note i know depressions and bad habits can lead to thoughts of suicide. before i end this blog i would like to share a story. over the course of my life i have entertained that thought many times and even tried to go through with it many times. two or three weeks ago i was taking the train home. then all of a sudden we felt a bump on the train and it stopped. we sat on the train for like 10 mins before the conductor made us walk to the front of the train to get out. once we got off the train we found out a lady had jumped in front of the train. needless to say it killed her. now i have seen alot of death in my life but i could not bring myself to see her body under the train. which now im happy to not have that image branded into my mind. skipping forward i told my family what happened and even without knowing the woman they felt so sad for her. they also began praying for her family. some how that feeling of lose transferred to my sister, why????? i have no clue....... yet she felt the need to excessively tell me she loves me and would miss me if anything like that ever happened.


i say all of this not for your pity or for admiration but because never before in my life had i felt such a sense of love. it hurt me to think how selfish i would be to take my own life. it hurt to actually see how people would be affected. most of my life i had the view that life goes on ppl will be sad for a time but then they get over it. this woman jumping and my families reaction awoke a realization in me. people can get depressed from other people you can be contagious with your grief.this realization has made me want to do more in my life. it has given me a sense of purpose. a sense of self determination that i was lacking for a while.



well to my fan or favorite stan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hope my thoughts were helpful. i hope that in the future we can all make huge steps to end depression and drop suicide rates in america

and keep checking the page out and share it with your friends

smoking challenge day 2

well yesterday went well. i managed to control my urges until early this morning. when i smoked one. so i went to work this morning and got there to find out. that we dont work days after holidays. so i rode all the way back home which turned out to be a 5hr round trip for me. smh what can you do though. well i also realized that i had no quote to wrap my mind around. i guess i could of said the lords prayer over and over again. yet i did not i caved and honestly the first day is always the hardest so a slip isnt the worst thing to come out of it. i could of bought a pack and indulged myself.

i woke up this morning and feel refreshed though. usually once i wake up i smoke and then make breakfast. i believe the way to break a habit is it have something in place of that habit. so my new habit will be updating this blog and staying on track to reach my goal. i will have a quote today once i get some food in my stomach. i have been trying to think of a good topic for this week to focus on. i was thinking discipline,or faith or strength. i will read the word this morning and hopefully pick

no love

you searched your heart
to find love and longing
not there so what was?
regret and shame
im just pondering my brain

i search my brain and ease the pain
who wants a man that so emotional
i feed myself those lines
time after time
who wants someone
that wants to be together forever
but cant handle a month

i know my heart and i know yours
through the love of god and time
things will be fine
your a perfect girl
im just a horrible guy
with low esteem and loves to deep

i scared you away and im to blame
self control was suppose to be my name
now look im to blame
i lacked and i lost
but my heart won't bust
its growing stronger and stronger

even though you wont speak no words
i can feel your tears
i can feel your fears
i am feeling you thinking of me as i think of you
at least i hope
cause i cant believe your honest words

or maybe im insane
maybe you never thought of me
maybe i am just all for you
your poetic word are like codes
im trying to decipher
but were always lost in translation
i have more questions then before
but now is the time for control

challenge once more day1

ive come to a point in my life where i realize my lifestyle hurts me more then anything. i want to quit smoking and for good this time. i realize i have missed out on alot of things just going to get smoke or spending money i dont need to just for the buzz. as i am getting older i think it is time to put a stand against my addiction. i also hoping that this step in discipline with also help me build my self control in other areas of life. as well as get my emotional state in order. so i will try this 14 day challenge again. this time ill add some bible quotes to hold on to mentally. i figure what better day to begin then labor day. so wish me luck. since i have no work today this shouldn't be that today. no tomorrow will be my real challenge.

The basement dweller

my mind is filled with
references of books no one reads
bright futures that no one sees
sad tales of lives that could not be

potential wasted away
hiding from the sun and fun
angered by instability
with a new passion burning inside of me
working hard but not enough
my goals seem to avoid me

constantly jumping from here to there
i want an anchor from my life
i want to come home to my wife
i want a fight my demons
and pave my future

basement dwelling
i wanted to be alone in my mind
this position is to familiar to me
im a bum no one should be with me
i can do this not cant do that
shes trapped and im stuck
i said it before she loves her work more then she loves me\
honestly at 20 i would love my work to way more then me
im a basement dweller there no hope for me