Half man half amazing

When you read this
Picture me standing
In the rain
Yelling at God
With all my strength
The Rain drops filling my mouth
Are Enough to drown me

If I was half the man
That everyone makes me out to be
I would really be proud
But every other night
I'm in a dark room
Fighting demons that fill my soul
A bottle or a beer
Is never far away
I gave up the weed
I'm To grown to smoke seeds
Yet I'm Sniffing it every where I go
Wishing to be immature again

If I was so amazing
Why don't black girls love me
Why must I chase skirts
Outside my race
Just to feel love and acceptance
I've been counted out
Cause of the knowledge in my head
Cause of the way I talk now
Things I cant change
Cause I'm chasing success
But still stuck in a dead end job

I been dealing with
Depression since an adolescence
Ace said he loved me like a brother
Picked them over me
Wouldn't answer my calls
Cause I needed tough love
I've been shunned and humiliated
By my loved ones and peers
Turn down by girls
Who swear they loved me
When I needed them the most

I've traveled the world
Done so much
In such a short time
It's funny fame still avoid's me
It's understandable though
Who needs another kurt cobain
Standing in the world's eye
Who wants a poor and broken soul