a new challenge.4.2

well i have gone against the recommendations of my other fellow bloggers and writers. i decide to work out for the past two days. mistake lol my body is so soar. im not sure what to do with myself. the rest i have been getting has helped. i go to work tomorrow and will do my best to not let it affect me.

although i feel fine and their is no hunger working out was definitely the wrong idea lol. yet with all the new found energy i have it felt so right. previously i felt lazy and sluggish when it came to working out. yet now i have found such a will to be active and do something with myself i can't explain it. i love this feeling and wish i had done it years ago.

as far as my time with the lord. i have being praying heavily today since the devil has tempted me many times. i also got into the book of judges which i found very sad. the amount of men that died in wars for the lord. makes me sad by the third chapter i didn't want to read anymore. it seemed like an endless cycle of killing, enslaving, turning on the lord and the repenting. just to start the circle over again.

still i find myself reflecting and allot of the decisions ive made and realize i do it to myself all the time. i am not killing or enslaving any but myself. i have become a victim to believing things must be done a certain way. looking at forgiveness light heartily and even at times mocking the creator.

never before have i felt such a revelation and self awareness. most would read this and feel i feel regret for my actions. well they are right but i have learned to look forward and not make the same mistakes. in the words of professor X " just because someone stumbles and loses their way doesn't mean they are lost forever"

The past: a place of potential promise, and possibility. We are the sum of our choices, as what we do now defines what we will do. Infinite decisions mean infinite consequences, for the future is never truly set.



i set out to find an enlightened state with this fast and on day four i believe i have almost reached my destination. i hope that the prayers of others and myself will continue to come and that god will guide my mind heart and soul to a brighter future.


lol i would also like to add i haven't smoked bud since last Tuesday and i have yet to actually feel the withdrawal symptoms that i felt in the past.

http://www.cru.org/training-and-growth/devotional-life/7-steps-to-fasting/02-how-to-begin-your-fast.htm
this is my inspiration and another guide i hope it helps all of you. who want to try a water fast

no response

her words ring in my ears constantly
you are never alone as long as god is with you
her voice fills my heart with hope
although we do not speak
i know she means well


a better man in deed
is what she needs
this hollow man is what she see's
full of low self esteem and trees


 as the tunnel's light shines brighter
a new day is rising
out with the old and in with a new
i feel like a phoenix rising out the blue

a new challenge.4

well today is Saturday day 4 and i am feeling great. i haven't smoked a blunt since Monday and although i have been craving one have found the will not to. my bowels are going crazy but that was to be expected. i am actually ready to see how i fear at work with this fast going. i need to find time today to really get into my word and have a solid minute with god.

of all things during this fast i believe that is the one component i have really been lacking in. although i have been praying and looking up scriptures. i feel as if i have avoided really digging into this word and getting closer with god.

i have three more days of the fast left and i am excited for them. yesterday night was probably the worst day so far. since Friday night my family cooks as to not do anything on the Sabbath. the smell of fresh fish filled the house and my stomach wanted it so bad. yet i kept away from the temptation and feel stronger for it today.

the way im feeling if by Wednesday i still feel as good as i do now. i might eat on Wednesday for proper preparation and do another fast the correct way. in order to fully detox my body. but i might be getting ahead of myself. i will finish the next three days and see how it goes.

for the most most i am happy with this fast. it has so far changed my normal routine up. which is parting on Friday. since i cant eat drinking and smoking would only harm me and push me farther from my goal. they would also most likely make me fully cave and eat everything in site.

i have not weighed myself which i should just to keep record. but from what i have read i should lose a pound and a half a day of water weight. the weight lose does concern me since ive already lost so much weight over this year but seven pounds for a man is something easy to get back. i am not to worried about it but still am keeping it in mind just to be safe.

her strength

i could match her wit for wit
we meet each other tit for tat
i sit and think of her
as my hunger grows i want her more
my beloved kitty kat

does she know how i want her so
i think not but then again i do
there is confusion even in my thoughts
its true

will it be or will it fade
she is so strong and i am so weak
a beast and beauty here and now
my will is weak and hers so strong
i want to grow i want to love

she wants to teach and be brave
two opposites attracting each other
closer and closer
yet life pushes us farther and farther
can we hold on
can we maintain

will her strength overpower my will
poetry she writes and goals she makes
parties i have and smiles i give
such a benign life we live
on the see saw of love

will her strength and virtue's
run away with her
or will she build them
and take off the mask of her beloved beast
before the last peddle has fallen

a new challenge.3

well the start of day two seems very good. i exercised today and i cant say ive done that in so long. my body feels fine. no hunger pains as of yet and i got a promotion from work today. this fast might not be so bad. i hope i can say that for the next 5 days. my work schedule is something fierce for the next two weeks.

i am also try and get an hour of bible reading and meditation in today. which will replace my usual Friday habits. so hopefully this will be a new change into a positive lifestyle.

a poem for my kitty kat

im down in the depth of despair
im drowning and begging for air
my soul yearns for more
where are you dear?
ive search high and ive searched low
dated black white and spanish girls

im alone in a world full of people
surrounded by shouts of love and empathy
can i be overlooking the truth
or has the truth overlooked me
will my heart be mended
or will it turn blacker then night

with a heart so big
why do i feel so small
with my feet on the edge of the precipice
my mind screams this is all wrong
to far to turn back
but not far enough to of gone to far


im sitting on the swing of life
contemplating the decisions that need to be made
more choices then cats have lives
looking to the future
to make you my wife
can you really look forward to this life?

a new challenge.2

well i have realized that i have never actually fasted for real. i might be venturing into a dangerous area. lol i love straddling the fence. well so i have decided to now research good ways to fast. which i should of done prior to starting it. none the less it has begun. so for anyone who sees this i want to put up some advice on fasting so that you can prepare yourself better then i did.
 halfway through day one and so far i feel fine. wiki thought the same thing i did and my smoking will be the biggest challenge for this week. but i shall keep myself hydrated and do my best.


http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-a-Fast

i hope it helps

a new challenge

so i failed the fourteen day quit smoking attempt. i have recently come across many problems in my life that have made me question my faith and loved ones. i am now prepared to go on a fast from communication and eating in order to get some enlightenment. i am hoping that one day out of this week the lord will talk to me and show me the right path for my life. today was day one i left my phone at home and have only had a cup of coffee and tea today.

so far i have not succumbed to my hunger or do i really actually feel hungry. using my cell phone is not as much of a temptation that i expected it to be.if anything i need to have more discipline with not smoking since that will propel my hunger and can turn really bad. this week fast could turn out to be a life changing experience.

i am excited to battle my demons and see how strong my will really is. who knows maybe i will be able to find my way in this crazy world.