Suicidal thoughts

Ironic im celebrating
My post demise
Cnn said
I'll be dead before 21
I'm 26 now

I got a .45 Taurus
Under my car seat
I should grab it and pull the trigger
Yet I wanna live
Can't let the devil win
Push all my mistakes on my mom
Keep her up at night
Wondering where she went wrong

I wanna see how far
This world really goes
I'm the chosen one
Blessed since birth
Imagine me a talking tree
In the after life
Like taking pictures
When the lens close

Everything in me screams
You gonna make it
Just hold on a little more
I met Jehovah in a place
Darker than Brooklyn basements

We road up to the top floor
He said this all could be yours
Just open the right door
I'll bless you with more
Watch how it all unfolds