James walked over to his closet and opened it. All his clothes were on one side of it.neatly organized color coordinated just how he left it. With a sigh he closed it. Dreading the fact that he even continued to punish himself. It had been five years since johanna had passed and he still missed her. It seemed like just yesterday her half of the closet was over flowing to his side.
Now nothing stood there it was empty just like his heart. It took everything he had to pack up all her stuff and give it to charity. A year ago when they came James didn't even want to open the door for them. Even though he had called them five times prior.his conscience finally kicked in.
James sat in his lazy boy with a cup of cognac in his hand. Watching all the boxes that cluttered his living room for almost a year slowly disappear. Clothes Johanna loved Just going with strangers. Channel sweaters, prada and Jimmy choo shoes. Armani exchange and other designers filled the boxes.
James took a swig and convinced himself it was for the best. That was what she would want him to do.not just allow them to collect dust or feed the moths. Johanna was always helping those less fortunate then her.he loved her for that and so the salvation army seemed the only reasonable thing to do with her clothes.He could no longer dwell on that lose. It was time to part with her things just as he did the day he turned off her life support.
It seemed like only last week he finally gave the doctors the order to let her rest in peace. James could still hear the support machine flat lining and see her face as she exhaled her final breath.
Twice now James had killed her.his heart broke a piece at a time.for every fleeing breath she had took before her death. Five years ago they were in love enjoying their new bmw coup. The day had been filled with shopping and drinks. Johanna asked him to let her drive but he refused.if he could take that moment in time back he would of. Never in a million years would he of put her in any danger.
James felt fine in his mind. As they kissed on the car she asked him again. Once again he refused. With a snug look he had seen from her before Johanna got in the car. James started the engine and marveled once more at the purr of the engine. It was only a half an hour ride home one they took every other Friday night.Once they left forchina which was Johanna's favorite restaurant.
James picked up speed as they got on the west side highway all alone.before he knew it he was doing 80.the coupe handled like a dream in his hands.he couldn't of been more satisfied with his purchase. Johanna's hand started to creep up his leg.she loved the car just as much as him he knew.
James phone rang he ignored it. It rang again and he looked over to Johanna. They both knew who it was. There was always something going on at his job. It wasn't always they got to enjoy a day like this uninterrupted. Johanna smiled which warmed his heart.she was always so understanding when it came to him having to take a call and ran off to work. James went to click the Bluetooth button. Being a new car his eyes fumbled around looking for it. As he looked down to the dashboard.
Johanna screamed
"James watch out!"
A homeless man was crossing the street with his cart in front of them.James swerved in the nic of time to avoid him.johanna screamed as The passenger side tire popped and the car flipped three times. Knocking a fire hydrant over and stopping at the corner of a building.
Water rushed in the roof of the upside down car from the hydrant. James took out his swish army knife and popped his air bag then popped hers.
"Are you ok"
Johanna laid motionless next to him. Blood slowly crept down her forehead. he shouted her name as he tried to move.James realized his left arm was dislocated he could hardly move it.With all his strength he got out his side of the car. He ran over to her side and tried to pull the door open.it was jammed and wasn't budging.
"Help someone help us" James yelled to the empty street.
The homeless man he almost hit ran over. Together they pulled the door open. James took off Johanna's seat belt as fast as he could. Then pulled her out of the flooding car. She still wasn't moving her eyes lids flickered as if in R.E.M sleep. With the help of the homeless man. James moved her away from the crash as gently as he could.
The doctor in him quickly took over. He checked her pulse and realised it was rapid and irregular. The sounds of sirens snapped him back to reality. Within moments the ems workers were putting her on a stretcher and into the ambulance. James refused service for his arm and sat holding her hand. He was never much of a religious man but found himself praying. Tears dropped down his face as the ambulance zoomed to the hospital.
Once they arrived James stood helpless as his peers evaluated her situation. He didn't need them to tell him what was going on. He already knew James had seen this scene play out more then enough times. Just normally he was giving the news. Now he sat in the waiting room with a broken arm waiting.in another situation he might of found it ironic but now all he wanted was to hear was , Mr freeman it was just a concussion she is awake and fine. Do you want to see her. Those words never came and the news wasn't even close to good.
James took a huge gulp of his drink and snapped out of it as the workers,Took the last box and told him they were leaving. Shaking his head he awoke back in the present sitting on the edge of his bed. His flashbacks had started to merge. He felt as if he was in a dream. Walking around his empty house never really sure what day it was. everyday he hoped he would wake up and see her smiling face.
His .45 magnum was in his hand. James gripped it tighter. Now with all johanna's things gone he actually felt alone. They never had time to have kids.which he now regretted always pushing the topic off when she brought it up. James thought they would of had more time more stability to enjoy with their kids.
James chuckled a little thinking about it now. With the gun in his hand though the smile quickly left his face. The heat of the moment had caught up to him. Sweat dropped down his forehead and onto his shaking hand. Slowly he put the gun to his temple and took a breath.
"James“ he heard someone yell. James turned around to see none there. Once again his mind was playing tricks on him. He looked up and saw his reflection in the mirror.
"Is this the man she fell in love with?" James's asked himself
A feeling of disgust started to creep up into him. He threw the gun on the bed next to him and stood up.
No comments:
Post a Comment