The precipice of love

Three years you held him
I sat in jail with no mail
Locked down on the tier with no bail
Up the river without a sail
Rethinking, overthinking, 
replaying, regretting
The decisions I made
Only to have you back
For over a year
Every other night we shed tears
You threatened to throw
My dog off the banister
Kick him down the stairs
Exploiting all my parenting fears

I waited years and held out hope
Took my life down a slippery slope
Drank until I made myself broke
Couldn't eat but had time to smoke
I mixed drugs and depression
In the hopes of completion
Combining my body, mind and soul
The mending of my heart never came
My books got finished
Pages were read in anticipation

Only too find a black queen
That I thought deserved my heart

We drove over twelve hours
just to meet your parents
Wasted your gas and time
You shared all your insecurities
Just too dump me in Birmingham
On the curb because you loved me
We watched heat
And you told me not to live like that
How you turn and do that?

I had a girl who subbed to my blog
Bought my books and got them signed
We use to argue about
her never getting mentioned
how she was real compared to my stories
The love she gave was genuine
Im sure she didn't expect
Her name to come up like this

I told her bring some juice
I got the sin enough for too
Even when you exclude me
This shouldn't be nothing new
Ive been so lonely
Ive forgotten my worth
Once or twice
Ive been so horny
Ive forgotten my morals
Two times to many