The Fuzzy Panda Girl

I had a dream
Of lust and deception
You scratched the black boards 

screaming and crying
Passion and pain
Whirled through our bodies

Your back laid on my desk

Arched like a bridge ready for my weight

Look what you've done

Your clumsy hands spilled your drink

Clean it up while I think

I wanna grab my ink

That ass made me smile like Mona Lisa

Let me paint the picture

I'm bought to make a rash decision

Your all in my imagination

A vivid illustration

From god himself

Every day we're having revelations

About sinking relations

And lacking of deep penetration

Feeling like Africans just emancipated

Every time we get close to break ups

Yet look at fates touch now its just us

We both know this is wrong

Like ushers confession song

You'll be with me till dawn

The feelings are just too strong

Like a hit from a bong 

 

We've lost religion and scriptures

Gave into our animal ambition

Time for the consummation 

You'll never have to be lonely

Ill forever be your homie

Baby just hold me

For right now it's only we

We're young and we're free

Lets finish this fantasy

We both know this is wrong

Like ushers confession song

You'll be with me till dawn

The feelings are just too strong

Like a hit from a bong

 

Books covered the floor

Pencils and pens fell right behind them
Our body motions rocked them to the door
Please give me more
You cried
I love it
I love you
She cried out loud
Your all mines
I've been waiting a long time
You've been the only thing on my mind
My fuzzy panda girl
My fuzzy panda girl

I just wanna enjoy this time
I know when I open my eyes
You'll be gone by the rising of the tide
I need more time to watch you ride

Your lips your hips your thighs

They got me hypnotized
I cant stop my hands
From running through your hair
Its just my luck you would appear
All intentions are clear
Take me to Ecstasy without the Ecstasy

We both know this is wrong

Like ushers confession song

You'll be with me till dawn

The feelings are just too strong

Like a hit from a bong

 

I shouldn't feel this way

Are we really here?
Am I daydreaming again?
In the blink of an eye
I'm back to reality
I was out for a ride
Caught a glimmer of sunshine
The apple of my eye
Is no longer by my side
Red lights catch my eye
I couldn't stop in time
Ended up smashing my ride

Self-medicating

Dark rooms with strangers
I want the OP outta opiods
Like mac said
What's a god with a little OD
I'm just eating pussy
Other people buying shoes
Trapped in bathrooms for hours
Trying to put the HERO in heroin

The late night's will take the pain away

The sex will take the pain away
I'm drinking the pain away
Going back to the way I was
Self medicating the pain away
Pushing off the strain to another day
Letting my latter days matter today
Driving my success further away

Fighting the demons within

Just ignore the sins
Think about the way she spins
That's what the left says
You need to be writing
We're behind schedule
That's what the right says

The white elephant in the room
Keeps coming back to soon
Drool drips as I stare at the moon
All alone listening to the same tune

The late night's will take the pain away
The sex will take the pain away
I'm drinking the pain away
Going back to the way I was
Self medicating the pain away
Pushing off the strain to another day
Letting my latter days matter today
Driving my success further away

Can you feel the pressure and pain

My therapist say's
I have a disease in my membrane
I must obtain everything on the plains
I want nice dames
With nice tight frames
Who know the difference between
A 750 and the 750LI
It's about 60 racks if you don't know
I Gotta take trips to
Exotic Islands where most people don't go

The late night's will take the pain away
The sex will take the pain away
I'm drinking the pain away
Going back to the way I was
Self medicating the pain away
Pushing off the strain to another day
Letting my latter days matter today
Driving my success further away

Being a chameleon comes with a price

Its a gift and a curse

What do I really look like? 

Can I turn my nose up too whores?

Did I ever really feel remorse

As I drive along this course

Of course!

Why you think I don't sleep

Every time I close my eyes

I see my mistakes and dead homies

I see aborted babies

Women i've left broken

Doors I cant open  

Words that should of been spoken

Money that was wasted 

I could of saved a fortune

The late night's will take the pain away
The sex will take the pain away
I'm drinking the pain away
Going back to the way I was
Self medicating the pain away
Pushing off the strain to another day
Letting my latter days matter today
Driving my success further away 

90 in 90

Two years out of rehab
I'm hiding bottles under my bed
Clutching pill bottles like rigamortis set in
Praying the Lord won't leave me
At least worst then before
I'm opening and closing doors
Burning bridges im on galore
All I know is I need some more
I haven't felt like this
Since the last time I overdosed
Lord hold me close

The coffee keep me up
The stories show me where I'm going
One day at a time
I gotta stop overloading

my best friend left state

now they arguing over child support

but with no man in the home

does the child really get support

watching another man shave with my son

go school shopping with my daughter

all over the book and gram

would make me question

if i was a man

two bottles to begin with

hose and remy

the henny on the steps

just show you ive lost it

I'VE LOST MY WAY

I'M ADRIFT ON A SEA ON FEELINGS

I'm tiping the scale weighing options

I was only gone a few months

Yet that was just too much

You were sick of my stunts 

Our loves just in a funk

Look at me 

Surrounded by broken beds and clocks

What would you do

If ever put in my position?

I'm trying to satisfy everybody

Yet enough is never enough

Now I'm repping team forever alone

My hearts turned to stone

I just want to be alone

Broken clocks

They tick and tock
Yet they just not quite right
Two times a day isn't enough
I thought you had a past
I got a past we must be perfect
I was the car you were the mechanic
if we crash then tomorrow well be fixed
Sounded so nice at that point
I didn't think the car would get totaled

Tell me those lies
Fill my head with things that ain't right
Imprint those sweet nothing's in my brain
Ignore all the pain
Carry on with the show
Can't you hear the applaud
Of the audience that isn't there

My mother always told me
Buy a man shoes
And he'll walk out in that pair
Those pair of toms
Might of made me stay
That was the sign I was praying for
They represented the disappointment
I would of felt in the long run
My point that I was never number 1
Just a side thought
In the middle of the day
I would've stayed
I could've beared another day
I couldn't bring myself too

I had poems for you on the back burner
The words just never expressed my love
They couldn't sum up my gratitude
You saved my life
I'll never forget it
Or turn my back when you need
But there goes that fantasy
If you didn't need me
When I was here
Why would you need me
When I'm not there?

Sadness brings sad songs

You were quicker to change our fb status
Then you were coming up with a response
I sat just listening to the tone
Waiting like I've waited for you
Actions speak louder than words
So drake avant and future
Fill my phone
Can you sense the tone?
Ive opened my heart
Just to end up alone

Your most likely feeling his warm embrace
Ready to break up homes
We can't handle being alone
Maybe he'll do what I couldn't
Will he fill you up
Just how you like?

Your pride was to much
To fit on the side
Not to say mines didn't
Cloud my judgement at times
I keep telling every one I'm fine
Just give me some time
Yet 6 am I'm listening to love songs
Just staring into space
Still in disbelief and aww

How could things of gone so wrong?
I wrote distance and time for you
Thirty hours seemed so light
Just to feel your heavy touch
Now I'm left feeling myself
No du rag on
But ill ride this wave
Tears for a love that once bloomed
Heart ache for a love that died
I'm empty inside
Why couldn't you
believe you completed me
Why was it so hard to see
That you were my world
The black girl that saved my life
The black girl I would've made my wife

Have him and him
I hope they give you what I couldn't
Bring those tears to those woman
Who you'll never see
Just know you lost me
While I was finding myself
I was all yours and no one else
I Was to sure of myself
The fantasy had a hold of me
Guess I needed a snap to reality

#team forever alone

Everything has a price.
Even the white mice in the store.
As I walk out the door.
I wonder am I worth more.
Could you not just hold on longer.
In the absence of love,
We only had lust.
My hearts pleads wasn't enough.
My ebony skin wasn't too tough.
Seven words circle my brain.
Those seven words
fill me with so much pain
They made me feel mundane.
After all the things we've been through
Was that all I was worth to you?

I had kids and shared meals plan.
A baby with a real dark skin tan
A mother who's name
Matched their skin tone
What was this fantasy
Drawn into my head
Likes these words from an ink pen
My love ...my love... my love
Was not enough to fight for
My mind was made up
Those words just closed the door

No more funny memes
No more pleading for more
Just eyor sitting all alone
Here is where I lay
Here is where I stay
Here is where I place my heart
The broken piece of clock
That's back on the shelf

I wanted to love you more
I pushed you to accept me
I forced you to love me
Tied you up and shackled you down
Til you almost drowned
My love is a poison
My love is a drug
My love is the gift
My love is the curse
My love was yours
My love is no more

Jumping out the window

No suicide but I'm ready to give my life
Your hips your thighs
Got me hypnotized
I'm ready to make you my wife
Im ready to change my life

The window is there
I only need to jump
To break this slum
For to long I've been dumb
Living like a bum
Chilling with hoodlums in the slums
I finally can say I'm done

Every night I lie
Just to keep you
I got rings and locations
That give me motivation
Then reality gives me revelations
To my dreams of grandeur

Who would really want me?
Who buys broken clocks?
If a lock is open isn't it still a lock?
My heart was on reserve
Just to open and be what it was
Cold and unwanted
God with me so I'm never alone
When I say it in public
They ask if I'm stoned.

The blinds to the window blow in the air
I stand on the ledge
Begging you to come
As you scream
It's just a dream
This isn't inception
My fairy tale turned nightmare

Brides mates and best men
Stand on our side
Ready to see if ill abide
Most have bet
I'll run and hide
Disappear during the electric slide
If only they knew I was down to ride
Willing to fight the tide
How many nights I lied
Just to keep you by my side

I'm forcing the issue
I see the fear in your eyes
I feel the hesitation in your tone
My face turns to stone
As my heart mourns
For a love once had
That ill feeling of regret creeps in
And you don't look the same

I've been running from the building
Now I'm on the top floor
Taking in the sights and more
Looking down below at the ants
Ready to take that leap of faith
Move into a new place
Having our own space
Coming home to your warm embrace
Conserving  our race
Look at a baby with your face
Were my intentions misplaced
Give me time my steps ill retrace
So you know you'll never be replaced
I just hope one day you can relate