Wi-Fi operator

Can you fix my connection?
My set up must not be right
Can you come by
And check my line

YouTube works Netflix works
Yet my letters go unanswered
I wrote the addresses perfect
Sent them at the right time
Gmail must be glitching
This computer needs fixing
These emails aren't sticking

There must be something
Wrong with my line
I've called you a thousand times
You got my service request
Only you can fix this
It can't be from my end
I can use every other program
Please respond its dire this time

The emails say sent
Yet I've not gotten a response
I must need a new I.T. guy
Dear Wi-Fi operator
Please come fix my line
I really need you this time

Lying to myself

Everything isn't just peachy
I'm feeling with my mind
It's like my own personal purgatory
I've been battling demons
Watching twitch to get away

Everybody thinks I'm in paradise
Not realizing I'm drowning at the beach
I still don't have the power
To answer the phone for my father
I'm still holding the grudge from '89

The world's colder then you know
Even though it revolves around the sun

longing for a love

I no longer possess

Yearning for the success

I so desperately desire

My demons visit me nightly

I was carrying dead weight

Like pall bearers at the funeral

Found God and grew impatient

With the blessings he was giving me

Release the fear or let it consume you

The what if monster

Haunts me every day

Testing me from the shadows

Like the devil did Jesus on the mountain

I've started taking advice

Ignoring what my pride says

Yet it doesn't sit right with me

This year I've felt out of place

Paranoia and stress

Have consumed me

My father left my mother

I promised myself 

I would never repeat him

So I find myself

A bachelor at 27

Still chasing shirts

Cause my heart still hurts

Soon you'll understand

I kept saying you deserve better
Now those words haunt me
Like the last drops in a Hennessey bottle
That's gripped in my hand
Three in the morning by myself

I've made more tears
Fall done your face
Then I should have
My conscience be troubling me

A different girl every week
Since I walked out your front door
I was too young and immature
To understand the consequences
Of my actions in hindsight

You only wanted better for me
I thought you wanted to change me
Pull me away from the streets
That I loved so much

I found myself passed out
On the steering wheel
With nothing but glass
All over my lap and the floor
Not realizing how much
Drugs and alcohol ruled my life
Until the cuffs gripped my wrist

Another felony added to my rapsheet
Now I'm not the man You once knew
I took your advice
followed my dreams
Got a fan base
Buried myself in my notebooks

Now I'm wondering
Could it of been different
If I had just listened
I dream about you
Every night in a week
Waking up in cold sweat
In a dark room alone

It broke my heart to see you go
Even though it was all my decision
I slammed the door
On my own foot Once again
Soon we'll understand
The Lord's master plan

Loving myself

It's funny how I got so much love in my heart
Yet it took recovery
To find it within myself
I've always been serene
I never knew I needed serenity
Ive been searching for something all these years
Which has been right within me
Hiding like the phone in my hand
That's an addicts joke
That maybe I only found funny

I've learned the true consequences
Of all my selfish decisions
Now looking back
How could I love you
If I didn't love myself

Prisons built on loneliness

Incarcerating myself from my own design
Cutting the ties
From the fellowship brimming with love
Isolated in a prison from the world
Stranded and alone
With help in sight
That I don't want

Shackled by my guilt
Restrained by my shame
Wallowing with a heart
That was once maned
Shattered and broken
Like glass on the floor

I am the only prisoner
Inside this mental penitentiary
Held captive by no-one
My pride and ego
Force me to remain
Trapped in solitude
Surround by a multitude
Who can't see the pain
Who don't understand
The wheels that turn in my brain

Rationalizations and justifications
Battle in this place
Distrust and insecurities
Are the walls that encase me
Embarrassment and self consciousness
War within my membrane

Am I alone in this struggle
Can I be the only one
Trapped behind these walls
Left alone after a great fall
Isolated in this prison
On an island named loneliness

letter to my fans 5

It has been awhile since I've had time to address you guys directly. First off I want to thank each and everyone of you for your support and comments. Secondly I want to address my inactive posting, over the last few months.  

The short stories have come to a very sudden stand still, not because I haven't been writing. The problem lies in my inability to deliver the level of content I feel you deserve. Shortly after the release of "For the Lionhearted" I checked into a rehab facility to battle my alcoholism.  

Since then I've found it hard to finish my stories. I have a bunch of stories that are started and mostly done yet, I find the spark inside me is lost. Many might call it or consider it writers block. When in my particular case it's me wanting to be a better writer compared to a prolific one. Struggling with this new and amazing change in my life, while trying to find my niche once again in order to fulfill this passion for writing that burns inside me.  

I have been working out and running miles over the past few month's. In an effort to replace my many bad vices with more healthy and positive ones. It's funny how I use to overreact to many things. Now with the little clean time I have under my belt, I find I hardly react now. The defense mechanism of smiling and laughing in the face of oppositions. Has now been replaced with a passive and calculated attempt to understand the situation. 

When I was younger my grandmother always told me patience is a virtue. A younger me never understood what she meant. Now I realize if you take a moment to put things into their proper perspective, allot of life issues become more clear.  Many things in my life I wasn't mature enough to handle when mixed with drugs and alcohol. I have found the time and strength within myself to address them in a positive and less harmful manner. 

I know many of you have been expecting the sequel to "The Trials and Tribulations of Gin"  which was suppose to be released next in the series of books to be released. Due to the circumstances I have pushed the release date back to early next year. I've choose to do this for two very important   reasons.  

The first is when I started writing  the sequel I was completely sober. Although it is finished and just needing to be typed up. I want to finish it with the same sobriety I had during writing it. In my opinion I not only owe it to you guys as my fans but I owe it to myself. The second reason stands that due to this rehab, I am very restricted in my ability to have outside interactions and even computer access. The computer that I had, has been for a lack of better words been put out of commission.  

All things considered though I am happy and in better shape than I've been in years. I've had to dig deep within myself and find who I really am. I am sure many of the stories that will soon be coming, will reflect many of my emotions and experiences. The sequel to "For The Lionhearted" may still be ready for release on Halloween. I have been working on getting the cover and editing finished in a timely fashion. In order to continue to show growth in my writing and publication abilities. As many of you know " For the Lionhearted" was rushed in order to meet the deadline. I will not make the same mistake with the sequel. 

I want to take this time to address the many questions I've been asked many times. I love science fiction and fantasy whether I'm good at writing it or not, is yet to be determined. As far as where I will go from here with my writing. I do have a few other projects in alternative genres in the work. When they are to be released is yet to be determined. For my fans that do enjoy the sci-fi/ fantasy and erotica aspect of my work, Be on the look out for "Taknorina's Plight" a story about a princess lost in time trying to get back home.  

Amongst the list of projects I am in the process of starting an animated series called "The man from Yucatan". The prologue will be introduced on my blog within the year. As far as my novels go "The rise of golden boy" a murder/mystery is also in the works. I'm sure a chapter or two will be put on this blog at some point in time. The third but not the last by far project to be released, Will be "falling to live" a crime novel that I have been tinkering with in my spare time.  

 I ask that you guys keep up with the support and sharing of my work. Thank you for your comments and all the purchases of my book. I would be lying if I said I knew I would be at this point in my life. For most of my life "this" was just a pipe dream I never thought to come true. I cannot thank each and everyone of you enough. My gratitude comes from deep within my heart and soul. I appreciate every view, comment and interaction you guys give to me.

Forbidden fruit

She has a good man
He loves and cherishes her
Yet my heart burns for her
My soul yearns to touch her
The devils whispers to me
Pushing me closer to her
I'm waking around at 4am
Like a cage lion
Thinking about her kitty Kat
Does it taste as good as she looks

I don't wanna break up
The happy home she's made
Yet her smile entices me
Her thighs speak to me
She asks what inspired me
Too write trust issues
I laugh and ask
when her husband's coming home

Switching the face and place
I'm pushing thirty
She just turned eighteen
Popped a xanax and started
Pulling down her panties
Handing me tickets to graduation
Wanting to show me off
Since she is grown now

On another night in the shadows
Her name sherita
But her birth certificate
Says her name is Tony
The hormones been
In her system since 16
She bends over and
Let's me explore her boy pussy
Saying the surgery coming
Sooner then the winter
Fake titties and pussy
Are awaiting me
If I want it it's all for me

My fields are ripe
And ready for the picking
Strange fruits hang from my trees
They are sweeter than tangerines
Just waiting for the harvest