the Truth

the truth she told me what i needed to hear
the truth is she will always be there
the truth is she loves me
more than she can bear


the truth is im getting better every day
the truth is i pushed you away
you said you dont love me
cause thats what i need to hear
ive become the basement dweller
time to pick up my life
and fix it like puzzle pieces


im heart broken but stronger for it
i knew what i should of did but couldnt hold it in
i lack self control when it comes to you
i dont want to be alone
are you capable?
i ask am i capable
of having such a worthy woman


maybe you just dont know how to love me
or maybe i never gave you the chance
stuck in a world of
instant gratification
im lost in a maze


the mere fact that your staying away tell me
that you care
tell me that you love me
want me to be better and stronger
you need the time to grow
which i couldnt breathing down your back
emotion roller coasters day by day


in retropsect i believe its you
who got bored with me
i knew i never should of left
dont hold another until you are sure
i cant mature
dont hold another until your
sure i cant mature

confusion

im  more confused then ever
i never wanted to push you away
my lack my self control
is what spirals us to this fate
you picked a date
didnt i break the code
can i not get time to mature

im looking for clarity and understanding
your words touch my heart like a double edge sword
i still want more
more of the pain more of the loss
open up that vault
and let me in


i will not give up in such a confused state
i will not break down in my prime
i know my heart and i know my love
kitty kat im work towards you
doing the right thing until
time brings us back


fallen out of love how
could that be
when your thinking of me as im thinking of you
or have you found another to replace
those thoughts
i could believe that
but then again i
dont believe that
i pray your studying hard for school
going home and back to your room


thinking of me as a worthy man
thinking of me as your husband
does lose hope on you
and dont beat yourself up
things will be
what things will be

over reacting

the lord had to calm me down
i was pacing and racing
 i stand then i sit
he said boy your over reacting
i would never put you in the
 valley of the shadow of death
and leave you alone

a quick close call with death
and im back thinking right
i wanna shout
i love my life
for all the dark days in the past
now the sun shines so bright
im just feeling so right
no liquor or weed
just high off life

we laugh about it so often
how were on the same page
how selfish of me
to believe
that i would be thinking of you
and you not of me
whoa is me

your stubborn but for good reason
im quick to act with a heart of gold
i was over reacting
to a heart not whole
with god with me im never alone
but even adam needed eve
and whats a dog with out its kitty kat

i was over reacting to
a heart gone cold
i'm praying that the lord will mold
you into the strong woman that i need
this verse about a virtues woman
keeps ringing in my head
but i cant find the verses
scanning the word and im finding new verses
im happy im done using curses

i was overacting
to a heart not whole
i was missing my phoenix
who is out fighting demons
the lord told me dont stress no more
enjoy the shade under the sycamore tree
she'll be back for thee
maybe i was over reacting
but a holidays coming so soon ill see

calling me

im calling you over babe
i hear her words echo in my brain
were they hers or just rehearsed
lines she was taught to say all her life
but never had a chance til now

she sits and reads but wont pick up the phone
does she enjoy to see me in pain
or am i being the pain
i made a promise but im weak
i repeat
im a people person im no good on my own
but still i sit and i wait
taking advice from girls who want her spot

i dont want to be touched by another
its been almost thirty days
i sit and read her page too
like stalkers who know about each other
no restraining order just mutual respect
curious about one another
but wont dare cross the line


a dates been set on too day two
what does that mean kitty kat
i wanted to feel the pain of lose
and now i have
was i used for my love
as an experiment
from princess bubblegum
i pray not i hope the experience
was one that you dread
i hope you hate sitting in your room
i pray that you yearn to see my face
just as bad as i want to see yours


i know your poems almost as well as my own
im glad i have no phone
your tunes haunt me anyway
why are you afraid to smile
i love your smile like
i love your brown eyes
i think im sick and its worse then the pink eye
i've taken care of my business
love sick is the worse sick
maybe ill put it in words


im dancing in a room by myself
how sick am i
drunk of your love
and intoxicated with passion
one step two step now turn
are you capable??
i wish i could answer for you
i wish i could rip out my heart and give it to you
i wish you could feel how it beats
every time you look in the mirror at yourself
i wish you could feel what i feel
one step two step now turn

principles and priority's
ive never gotten in the way before
yet i feel like a hindrance
one step two step now dip to the floor
dancing with a woman that is there no more


it will be a month how much more
not even a sentence not even a bad eye
she tortures me with silence
as if pleasure arises from it
she knows i go crazy when left out the loop
one step two step now turn
not even a poem was left for me
two stalkers started now its left to one
once more

DISAPPOINTED

im disappointed
that i let God down
i prayed for love and stability
so hard my knees hurt
he blessed me and i let it go
blown away like a leaf in the wind
never again to come back to its branch

i'm disappointed
i let God down
my heart hurts more every day
thats she's away
i tell me coworkers my dog
died the other day
i cant even bring up a false smile
for the world

i'm disappointed
i let god down
drowning in a sea of emotions
crawling in a darkness that i cant bear
to ashamed to ask for another try
why o why
did i let God down

im disappointed
i let God down
she warned me it wasn't healthy
but i let her go anyway
i didnt expect a call back
but i didnt expect my heart to hurt so bad
its like being torn in half
a head without a body
she cant be my lover or my friend
she wont even speak to me


im disappointed
i let God down
a loving wife and a job por favor
no more blacked out nights
and whores in mi casa
no more wanting to be incomplete
Lord send me my eve
for years i prayed and prayed
finally delivered onto me
im ashamed i made him waste his time


im disappointed
i let God down
i prayed for something i
never wanted so bad
something ugly men dont get
a beautiful wife that only wants me
how ugly am i
black and bruised
she deserve someone better
she will find another
some one that prayed harder
someone that will take her out
someone that will be better
someone that isnt me
whoa is me

I'm Disappointed
I Let God Down
he sent my significant other
and i ran her away
how foolish was i to be so committed
so involved and hungry
for a fresh start a chance to be another
someone better and stronger
someone that could live longer
some one who heard the lords call
and answer with a sure
who was i kidding
i wanted to love her so bad
i didnt realize she didnt feel the same for me
i told her i wouldnt make her cry i lied
i told her i never wanted to be away
in my heart i cried
I am to ashamed to tell god
what ive done and ask for another
even though he's seen the whole thing
like adam and eve
I"m disappointed
I Let God Down

book cover

super excited

The Caged Bird

jay-z said if you let a caged bird free
and it comes back then you know it's there to stay
so that what i did opening the cage
now i sit here under the sycamore tree
waiting and watching for my phoenix
to rise again from the ashes and come home
but she waits and stops
watching in the dark
fighting her heart
battling demons i can never kill
i sit and smile in wait
hoping she is doing the right thing
will she come back one day
only time can tell
but a promised was made and
a date never set
i wouldnt be mad if my bird never loved me
never wanted to be back in her cage
i hear her say it might take a while
and know its just another test that i hate
starving me out of the love i crave
wanting to see me desperate for air
im think im going insane
writing has got my imagination getting the best of me
i sit and i wait the one virtue
ive honed and worked on over the years
i can be patient for i have seen this before
a long time ago in a past life for sure
when i let the bird go and went on the hunt
it came back but was never the same
so now i sit and i wait
just now i've learned a lesson
let the bird return to you and
don't trap it back in it's cage
so now i sit and i wait
looking to the horizon for that bird
entertaining myself with thoughts
of her hunting me now
will she find where my sycamore tree lies
with no phone will the bird take the extra steps to
come back to me or will she give up
and find a new hand to sing too
giving a lame excuse or just the lack of effort towards me
I sit and i wait with no hatred in my heart
for i touched my beautiful bird once before she flew away
i told her i loved her before that fateful day
i said more to my bird then others
get a chance too in their whole lives
and if the year comes that my promise
reaches its expiration day then i will
have no worries or ill will
for i did all i could
and kept my word
yet i sit and i wait for the caged bird
wondering if my phoenix is fighting demons more then before
i sit and i wait for the caged bird
to see if she will find me under the sycamore tree

I'm Somewhere

I'm somewhere between schizophrenic and iconic
i'm somewhere far but its not dark
the sunrises and falls
life goes on

gifted with a curse
living forever in a cycle
running from nothing but myself
wanting everything with nothing
colonial homes with a
brand new Porsche or Bentley
i'm the worst
i'm somewhere plotting and scheming
the things of my past
don't decide my future

I'm somewhere between schizophrenic and iconic
i'm somewhere far but its not dark
the sunrises and falls
life goes on


your voice is so familiar
yet you seem so distant from me
like Venus to Mars
Romeo and Juliet
Matt Linart your life
before we proceed
your the one i need
why am i smiling and laughing
at a time like this
that the man you hate
he's so fake
drowning in heartbreak

My Inspiration

i was asked where i get my inspiration from
 it spawns from the anger and boredom
sitting in the darkest parts of the world
alone with my thoughts
alone with my soul
no significant other to share with
my only light come from
my book and laptop screen
the boredom comes and goes
my talent releases and flows
my inspiration come in the face of adversity
my inspiration comes when
i have no where to go
its channeled onto paper
from anger and fear
angry with the world
and its backward ways
fears of the future failures
more loves to encounter since i have no other
and more heartbreaks are inevitable
my inspiration comes from destiny
from the skills honed from the dark
and brought to light by
paper and pen
every stroke a piece of tension released
every word contains hidden emotions within
every line a memory from a moment in time
what inspires me?
to many things to fit in one rhyme

Let Me Fall

if i jump just let me fall
right now it would feel so right
open your mind and understand
suicide is nonsense but
life is insane and void
so many people depending on me
with the weight of the world
i can do no wrong

how will i ever learn
without mistakes
how can i walk on my own


i keep repeating the phrase
over and over in my head
i could die from the fall
imagine if i hit the floor
now it means so much more
in order to be one with christ
you must be born again
so please if i jump
let me fall
ill come back stronger than before

am i speaking nonsense or
is christ working through me
i do right and its wrong
i do wrong and its right
in this backwards world
i cant understand it no more
set me free
just tell the world
if i jump let me fall

Why Not

why would she want a man that adores her
why not one that slaps and spits
why would she want sweet words
when she could get cursed and stripped

why would she want a man that only wants her
why not get one that wants them all
why keep me when i work
when you could yourself while i play COD
why ask her to read the word
when she is concerned with the world

why tell her of kids and stability
why not offer payments and missed visits
why uphold her
when you can break her down

why speak of love and passion
when she wants sex and regrets
why offer commitment
why not tease her and leave your shoes at the door

the good guys never win
the bad guys get all the girls
why hold yourself to kingly standards
when she will take the pauper

why waste time doing right
when they love you for doing wrong
why waste your time
why not enjoy the flesh and wine
why love and not get it back
why not use and abuse


thats what they expect anyway
lol

the pink eye

my eyes are blood shot and dripping
am i sick or expressing my insides
i cant cry but my eyes show the signs
i want to love and be loved
walking around like a zombie
no brains for me just pain for me
trying to fight this hunger
my heart wants more
will i ever satisfy this rumble
can i learn to shed tears
or will i forever looked diseased
haunted by a love that could
never be in a timely fashion

water runs down my face from my eyes
but im not crying
i got the pink eye
a disease of love and humility
my prides to strong for tears
my minds to strong for fears
look into my eyes
i beg for you to lend me your ears
i dont need your sympathy
your drugs or cure for this disease
i need that intimacy only one can bring

my eyes are blood shot and dripping
am i sick or expressing my insides
water runs down my face from my eyes
im not crying i got the pink eye